hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
