I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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