I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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