Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
