So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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