I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
