I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
even my farts smell like vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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