There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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