So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
