Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
