My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
