and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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