Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
