Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
