We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dick very happy bro
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
