Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
