He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
