i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
