you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Damn victory sex feels great
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
