Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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