So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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