is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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