you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
