He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize