So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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