Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
