It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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