please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
