he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
