I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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