He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
