Swine flu. Run for my life!
that's an acceptable place to lick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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