Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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