I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
