jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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