This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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