i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The power of my boobs compel you
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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