'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize