fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
