forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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