Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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