Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
