Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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