I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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