There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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