why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
