so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
