...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
