If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
