Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
