I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
