Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
