Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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