Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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