oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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