If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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