he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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