Sponge bath it is.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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