I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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