The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
