everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
