I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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