Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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