somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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