Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
