she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
