did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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