So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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