It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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