The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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