Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
