walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize