So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
