Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
