As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I puked a lego.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
