i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
