For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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