Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
These tits shall not be calmed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk is a universal language darling
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
