Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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